Instead of Trying to Juggle It All, Do This

Life Goals — A Checklist

• Fulfilling and lucrative career

• Spacious and well-maintained home

• Happy marriage

• Well-adjusted and successful children

• Circle of close friends

• Exhilarating social life

Is it possible to have it all? 

The Paradox of Having It All 

For a while now, women have been encouraged to “have it all.” And today we live in a world of “Girl Bosses” and hands-on fathers.

Yet, according to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report, which was conducted in partnership with LeanIn.Org, women are still dramatically underrepresented in leadership roles at work. 

For every 100 entry-level male workers who are promoted to manager positions, only 87 female workers are promoted, and only 82 female workers of color are promoted. As many as 42% of women in the United States. claim that they have faced some type of gender discrimination in the workplace.

During the pandemic, women took on three times as much child care as men. Many were also responsible for caring for their aging parents. 

In 2023, women continue to make sacrifices and navigate obstacles to pursue their dream careers, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and raise their families. 

But what about men?

Though they don’t face the same gender-based discrimination in the workplace and have less pressure to be a perfect parent, the view that men have always had easy access to “it all” is largely unhelpful. 

Indeed, the expectation that they are stoic, single-mindedly ambitious, and financially successful is often to the detriment of their mental health and well-being. In the United States, the rate of death by suicide is highest amongst middle-aged white men, with unemployment and financial problems cited as some of the most common precipitating factors. 

Those born into wealth gain access to better education and employment opportunities, exciting life experiences, and an extensive network of successful professionals. But numerous other factors can preclude success at work and in life. 

To give just a few examples:

• A Hiscox report found that 36% of people have experienced age discrimination.

• Black workers face a significant promotion and wage gap, representing only 3.2% of all executive or senior leadership roles and fewer than 1% of all Fortune 500 CEO positions. 

• The Center for American Progress’ (CAP) 2022 survey revealed that LGBTQI+ individuals experience higher rates of discrimination in the workplace than those who do not identify as LGBTQI+. 

• Eight out of 10 workers who have a mental health condition reveal that shame and stigma deter them from seeking healthcare. 

In an attempt to juggle everything and achieve the perfect work-life balance, one may feel discouraged, not least because the playing field is so uneven. Far better to pursue your own version of success, prioritize what matters most, and focus on your health and well-being. 

3 Tips to Set Yourself Up for Success

1. Stop Feeling Guilty About Everything 

In adult life, there are so many things one may feel intensely guilty about. These may include:

• Starting work late after dropping the kids at school.

• Finishing work early to collect the kids from school.

• Delaying an important project deadline.

• Forgetting to buy a best friend’s birthday present.

• Missing the kids’ bedtime for the fourth night in a row.

• Failing to call parents at least once a week.

• Ordering take-out twice a week.

• Not being a millionaire before turning 30.

• Being less successful than your sister.

• Being more successful than your sister.

• Everything else. 

Guilt has a remarkable way of causing additional stress and impeding productivity. 

It’s certainly not easy to push those feelings aside, but know that you’re not alone. The colleague you envy who seems to have it all perfectly figured out? They’ll have their bad days too, and they’ll have made their own sacrifices.

To manage your guilt, begin by identifying the root causes. Consider whether you are responsible for the things you feel guilty about or if this is a result of unrealistic expectations from your loved ones, your employer, or society? 

Next, start journaling your experiences. Keep in mind your values and priorities and make a note of the things you could be doing differently. This will help you to build greater self-awareness about what you can realistically achieve and the many ways in which you are already succeeding. 

2. Accept Help

“Having it all” is not to be confused with “doing it all.” Top CEOs are surrounded by people who are instrumental to their success; career coaches, therapists, personal assistants, housekeepers, nannies, and a whole team of qualified professionals. 

You might not have the wealth or support network of a Fortune 500 CEO, but there are people around you who can help. 

Identify the most cumbersome areas of your life. In the home, this might be managing the school routine, planning and preparing meals, or keeping on top of the ever-growing pile of laundry. In the workplace, perhaps a particular colleague, project, or process is consuming all of your time and headspace. In your personal life, you might be struggling to find time to go to the gym, meet up with friends, or simply sit down and read a book.