Instead of Trying to Juggle It All, Do This

Life Goals — A Checklist

• Fulfilling and lucrative career

• Spacious and well-maintained home

• Happy marriage

• Well-adjusted and successful children

• Circle of close friends

• Exhilarating social life

Is it possible to have it all? 

The Paradox of Having It All 

For a while now, women have been encouraged to “have it all.” And today we live in a world of “Girl Bosses” and hands-on fathers.

Yet, according to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report, which was conducted in partnership with LeanIn.Org, women are still dramatically underrepresented in leadership roles at work. 

For every 100 entry-level male workers who are promoted to manager positions, only 87 female workers are promoted, and only 82 female workers of color are promoted. As many as 42% of women in the United States. claim that they have faced some type of gender discrimination in the workplace.

During the pandemic, women took on three times as much child care as men. Many were also responsible for caring for their aging parents. 

In 2023, women continue to make sacrifices and navigate obstacles to pursue their dream careers, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and raise their families. 

But what about men?

Though they don’t face the same gender-based discrimination in the workplace and have less pressure to be a perfect parent, the view that men have always had easy access to “it all” is largely unhelpful. 

Indeed, the expectation that they are stoic, single-mindedly ambitious, and financially successful is often to the detriment of their mental health and well-being. In the United States, the rate of death by suicide is highest amongst middle-aged white men, with unemployment and financial problems cited as some of the most common precipitating factors. 

Those born into wealth gain access to better education and employment opportunities, exciting life experiences, and an extensive network of successful professionals. But numerous other factors can preclude success at work and in life. 

To give just a few examples:

• A Hiscox report found that 36% of people have experienced age discrimination.

• Black workers face a significant promotion and wage gap, representing only 3.2% of all executive or senior leadership roles and fewer than 1% of all Fortune 500 CEO positions. 

• The Center for American Progress’ (CAP) 2022 survey revealed that LGBTQI+ individuals experience higher rates of discrimination in the workplace than those who do not identify as LGBTQI+. 

• Eight out of 10 workers who have a mental health condition reveal that shame and stigma deter them from seeking healthcare. 

In an attempt to juggle everything and achieve the perfect work-life balance, one may feel discouraged, not least because the playing field is so uneven. Far better to pursue your own version of success, prioritize what matters most, and focus on your health and well-being. 

3 Tips to Set Yourself Up for Success

1. Stop Feeling Guilty About Everything 

In adult life, there are so many things one may feel intensely guilty about. These may include:

• Starting work late after dropping the kids at school.

• Finishing work early to collect the kids from school.

• Delaying an important project deadline.

• Forgetting to buy a best friend’s birthday present.

• Missing the kids’ bedtime for the fourth night in a row.

• Failing to call parents at least once a week.

• Ordering take-out twice a week.

• Not being a millionaire before turning 30.

• Being less successful than your sister.

• Being more successful than your sister.

• Everything else. 

Guilt has a remarkable way of causing additional stress and impeding productivity. 

It’s certainly not easy to push those feelings aside, but know that you’re not alone. The colleague you envy who seems to have it all perfectly figured out? They’ll have their bad days too, and they’ll have made their own sacrifices.

To manage your guilt, begin by identifying the root causes. Consider whether you are responsible for the things you feel guilty about or if this is a result of unrealistic expectations from your loved ones, your employer, or society? 

Next, start journaling your experiences. Keep in mind your values and priorities and make a note of the things you could be doing differently. This will help you to build greater self-awareness about what you can realistically achieve and the many ways in which you are already succeeding. 

2. Accept Help

“Having it all” is not to be confused with “doing it all.” Top CEOs are surrounded by people who are instrumental to their success; career coaches, therapists, personal assistants, housekeepers, nannies, and a whole team of qualified professionals. 

You might not have the wealth or support network of a Fortune 500 CEO, but there are people around you who can help. 

Identify the most cumbersome areas of your life. In the home, this might be managing the school routine, planning and preparing meals, or keeping on top of the ever-growing pile of laundry. In the workplace, perhaps a particular colleague, project, or process is consuming all of your time and headspace. In your personal life, you might be struggling to find time to go to the gym, meet up with friends, or simply sit down and read a book. 

If you have the budget available, you could address many of these challenges with the help of a paid professional. A part-time cleaner, babysitter, or personal assistant is an expensive investment, but if it awards you the time and energy to live your life to the full, the payoff may be well worth it.

On a tighter budget, turn to your family and friends for additional support. Perhaps your parents could help to look after your children more regularly, or you could organize a carpool system with another parent from the school. If you live with a partner, consider whether they are sharing the emotional load when it comes to organizing your day-to-day schedules and running the household. 

When you’re going through an especially busy or difficult time, it’s not unreasonable to expect those around you to step up. You’d do the same for them in return. 

In the workplace, talk to your manager when you are feeling overwhelmed or overworked. It’s their responsibility to help you to manage your time and delegate work when your schedule becomes hectic. 

3. Prioritize 

“Having it all” is subjective, and so it’s vital that you learn how to prioritize the things that matter the most to you. 

Step 1

The first step is to identify your core values, and then connect those values to your bigger long-term goals, be it actively raising your family, securing a life-changing promotion, or moving abroad.  

Step 2

The second step is to focus on the incremental changes required to help you reach these goals. 

In the workplace, you might choose to set clear boundaries with your colleagues and manager so you can better juggle your home and work life. Or, you might offer to take on additional responsibilities to prove yourself as a worthy candidate for promotion. 

In your personal life, you might endeavor to take on less responsibility around the home, go to the gym more regularly, or hire someone to help you with childcare. 

Step 3

Next, it’s time to get yourself organized. Maintain up-to-date checklists of everything you hope to achieve in the home and the workplace on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. 

Based on your core goals, identify the most time-sensitive and important tasks and allocate time to complete them. This should include segments of “focus time,” during which you can address the most mentally demanding items on your list, and “rest time,” during which you can switch off and recuperate while doing something you enjoy. 

Step 4

Finally, commit to living in the moment and owning the decisions you’ve made. 

If your commitment to securing a dream role means working late every night for three months, don’t agonize over the time you’re missing out on with your children. Conversely, if you want to attend your children’s weekly sports matches, don’t spend an entire game worrying about your work email inbox. 

Trust that you have made the decision that’s right for you at this specific moment in time, and know that the most stressful periods will pass.